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Dependency Cutting-
               It was a routine.

    Lock the door,
    Pull up your sleeve.
    Close your eyes,
    Let the pain be relieved.

                                (And I broke it)
The FifteenthI have survived for fifteen years,
Living each with paralyzing fear.

I battled myself for 5,475 days,
Searching for further reason to stay.

131,400 hours have dragged heavily by, and
I waited 7,884,000 minutes for demise to comply.

I have lived 473,040,000 seconds that fate did dictate,
Fifteen years too long,
And death now awaits.
The Demon Inside MeTwisted horns and crimson teeth
Glowing eyes staring inside my soul
The demon inside me

Bloody tears and broken hearts
Piercing cries and shattered dreams
The demon inside me

Every day it rears its ugly head
Forcing me to do things
That I now regret

I see the scars
I feel the pain
But I don't know
Why I did it

I can't remember
What made me do it

Was it the demon?
The one who controls my thoughts
The one who whispers
She'll never love you
The SuicideSlit my wrist,
I lay to die.

Out of my mind.
Yet the body stays stiff like cement.

Please,I beg you dear,
leave your sins at the door.

Where 'O' where  is your God ?

After life, after no life at all.

Now, or, then.

Came the funeral.

Beautiful when dead.

He kissed my lips
So pale, dark eyes, red lips,
black dress.

I lay in the box.
Be FreeCan you hear?
That distant white noise.
Oh how barely audible.

What are you trying to tell me?
That you want to be free?
Oh you imprisoned angel

How can you stand it?
All that pent up emotion,
Stuck inside your throat

Are you scared?
To hear your voice?
Stand up for your life.

Where did those contusions come from?
You deprived cherub.
Results from your mistreatment I see..

Do your scars smolder?
How you ache to feel real,
Suffocating from lack of love

Is that the odor of influence?
Swimming in the alcoholic sea
Inhaling artificial happiness

Don't cry my love
Let me assist your tattered wings
Kiss your swelling throat

Her Nights.         Every night she passes the blade to add a new scar to her collection. She cries but not by the pain of the wounds, but the pain in her heart. She calls for help but nobody answers. She's on her own she always were. She hopes one night she's careless enough to hit a vein and fall asleep forever.
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More from ~horcruxhorror

My Personal Hell Please. Don't assume you know my life just because you have seen a couple of my scars.
Even if you have taken a razor to your skin, needing to see the blood flow, needing the pain.
Even if you have stood under a shower that was as hot as you could physically stand it.
Even if you have closed your eyes while in said shower, and pictured the water running down your chest was actually blood, pouring from a wound on your neck.
Even if you have cried yourself to sleep every night because that's the only time you can break down without anyone seeing.
Even if you have walked down the street, resisting with every fiber of your being, the urge

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Suicideby ~horcruxhorror

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I was bored
©2011-2013 ~horcruxhorror
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April 7, 2011
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:iconkolaida:
~Kolaida Jan 22, 2013
Good point. I always see other people crying in my mind's eye, though and feel really bad. I keep saying it'l get better, it HAS to get better, but I don't know. I don't want to get up in the mornings but I don't want to put friends or family through the trauma of a suicide. I really just wish I wouldn't wake up one morning, have a heart attack or something. Then it's like, "Oh, that poor woman had a heart attack before thirty. How odd, blah blah." /sigh I'd like to get through just ONE whole year without so many suicidal thoughts. I don't self-injure (unless you count smoking), I figure why waste time with that? I'd just kill myself flat out.
Reply
:iconmissluckychan29:
~MissLuckychan29 Nov 8, 2012
*hugs* This is how I feel..
Reply
:iconsebby1992:
!Sebby1992 Jul 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
A dear friend of mine just killed herself...and she was selfish and cowardly.....
I miss her every day and many others do to.
Plus its not even about that really. Life is a gift, even with pain. We are only given one :/ Its not your right to take it away in my opinion or else you wouldn't have been given it. Its brave to trug through crappy things. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, always. It may be far away but it is still there. Hell I wanted to off myself many times, but I stay in this word because I know deep down it will get better <3
Reply
:iconhorcruxhorror:
~horcruxhorror Jul 27, 2012
I know it's selfish. I've been ready to die for the past two years. For me, I'm so deep in depression nothing matters anymore. I'm sorry about your friend.
Reply
:iconsebby1992:
!Sebby1992 Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You just think you are ready to die hun; what you want is NOT death. Want you truly want is an escape. Think about it. You want to die because you are depressed, to get away from your depression/ home life. No body is truly "ready to die". All the want is a way out of there pain. It saddens me that someone so young is so convinced that there is nothing left in this life. You have barely begun to open the many doors in life, yet you want to just leave them by offing yourself? Everybody, and I mean everybody is given the gift of life. Nobody has the right to take it away on there own. You are young, and reckless. If you opened your eyes a little more, and truly understood what you want/ are ready to do I think you would see you don't want to die. Things get better in time, trust me. I use to be in the same exact mind set you are hun. But I held on, and found out it does get better. I found out life does have things to offer. When you get older you those stupid bullies, mean friends, and home life won't matter anymore! I use to be tortured in school,my home life was a wreck and I was abused sexually by my best friend. But I made it through. I truly think you can to <3 I suggest getting professional help hun. Plus it may "not matter" to you but your life matters to a lot of other people, and I think once you get help then you can see that to *hugs* Please don't become another person I know that decided to end there life?
Reply
:iconhorcruxhorror:
~horcruxhorror Jul 27, 2012
Sometimes we just don't want help. I think that, based from people I've seen and known, some just don't have the same zest for life that others do. They aren't weak, they simply don't have the drive to live and need to do something good with their lives. It's for those people, that death is a mercy.
Reply
:iconsebby1992:
!Sebby1992 Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*sighs* They think they don't want help. Which to a certain point it is true. Yet, they say that because they do not understand that zest for life can be restored no madder what. Fuck I had a knife to my throat yet now I love life. Its not about weakness or drive; its about surviving. Thats what we do in life right? Survive. Death contradicts that, and our natural order. Death is never a "mercy" it is simply a convoluted escape for others.Branded it as something positive is a horrible label. There is not excuse to kill yourself. You are bloody 15; life does get better if you let it, and give it time. Everybody can have the drive restored, and there is always something good they can do no madder what with there lives. Even if it's just being a kind person, or a friend to another. It is still something no madder small. You are young hun, and wisdom comes in time. You will look back at this point in your life when your 40, and have your own house maybe even kids and want to punch yourself.
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:iconhorcruxhorror:
~horcruxhorror Jul 27, 2012
I'm 16 actually, I don't want to pick a fight with you, I just kind of wish you would stop pushing your undoubtably well meant, yet certainly not appreciated advice. I know the details of my own life. Please, go read my "Story of Self Harm"
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:iconsebby1992:
!Sebby1992 Jul 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I did read your story actually ^.^ Your life is very similar to mine. I have/had abusive parents, I was tortured in school (I use to get the shit beaten out of me almost everyday, I was sexually abused, I didn't have friends,I use to cut myself and suffered through an eating disorder. So with that said, maybe you should take my advice as me trying to HELP you. I feel for you/relate to you. I am not trying to be mean. And 16 still is young. Plus no need to be rude, I am simply trying to help. I am probably pissing you off because you have "heard it all before" or some stupid shit like that. I could be rude and tell you to go off yourself. But that would be cruel. I am sorry you can't appreciate someone trying to help and encourage you. I wish you the best of luck. I really do. But with the attitude you are showing me thus far, you are going to need all the luck you can get! Have a good day //shot

(Your lucky I was this nice to you =/=)
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:iconhorcruxhorror:
~horcruxhorror Jul 27, 2012
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across as rude, it's just, sometimes when you're miserable, you just want to be miserable.
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